just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
