Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize