Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
