I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
