I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
