Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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