U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize