thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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