lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
