Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
