Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
