I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize