she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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