While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
