I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
