She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
