you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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