My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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