when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
