Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
