I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
