That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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