my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so let's talk penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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