he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
