grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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