So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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