ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
