This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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