In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
