Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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