he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
