Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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