You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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