I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
