The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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