I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
