please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
