How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
