Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize