time to smoke my breakfast
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
