from now on my penis is your penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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