Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
