is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
