You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
