Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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