Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
