yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
