I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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