tell your sister to shave her snatch
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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