TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
