Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
