I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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