Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
