I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
