she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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