Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it because I queefed?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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