so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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