dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
