You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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