whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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