Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
