Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He did a backflip because drugs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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