Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They took my balls.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
