I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
