I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
