Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
