I got chris browned last night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
