Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
