is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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