So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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