dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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