i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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