dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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