Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
