I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize