I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry about my life...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
