I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
