I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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