I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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