Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
