Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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