thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize