You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
