I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
