she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
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