Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
