I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
