At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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