thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
