You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize