Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
