the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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