One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize