Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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