She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
