I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
