You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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