I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
