I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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