His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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