she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
