I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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