Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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