Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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