Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
