i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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