He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
